School is in session

I'm back in school after a 2 quarter hiatus. I don't think my two quarters off did any favors for my drive, but I'm back in the saddle, wobbly and too tired to do more than meander, but I'm here and that's something. The problem I don't think is so much about not wanting to be in school as it is that I just finished this amazing month of writing. I participated in NaNoWrimo (www.nanowrimo.org) and it was FAh bU lous (hear that in a high pitch voice)!! I love writing fiction, and what's more I feel like and I might be stretching, but I feel like I am good at it. I feel completed by the act of writing and that, well that's just AWESOME! I feel like I have something stable to hold onto that is mine and mine alone. I got so much support from my husband too, what a phenomenal feeling that was. So now, all I want to do is write and not the boring discussion boards and essays that are required to finish a Masters degree, oh no, I want to write amazing and exciting works of fiction ... oh and if someone could pay me to do that, that would be awesome too.

Life as a step-parent progresses. It's gotten easier since I have found more "me" things, and not just the trite superficial "me" things like a manicure and pedicure which don't get me wrong are absolutely necessary to maintaining sanity, but what's really made it easier has been the writing, that's the "me" thing I needed. Of course the fact that I have started running and working out on a regular basis doesn't hurt either.

Step-parent school is always in session and lately it's interesting. I have a hard time relating to my stepdaughter because she is rushing into puberty like her pants are on fire, and I was much more reserved about going through all of those changes. In fact I once told my mom that I would never grow up, have my period, wear a bra, have sex or lose my mind over a boy (that last one just seemed utterly ridiculous to me ...of course until I did lose my mind over a boy...but that's a story for another day). She on the other hand, can't wait and she has all of these precocious questions that I never would have bothered to ask because well, I didn't really care and I think a part of me figured that hey, as long as I didn't think about it it might not happen....my poor parents, that kind of thinking can't lend itself to a strong belief in your child's future success.

But back to the point, she asks all of these questions and it's okay because she actually is very matter of fact about it, so it's pretty easy to put my biologist cap on and speak scientifically about it all, but still I get a little frustrated...seriously when did I get nominated to do this job? I really thought that being a stepparent I would get a little more say about the roles that I had to fill in these kids lives, but it's becoming more obvious, and probably should have been from the beginning, that there are just some things we don't get to choose. I chose my husband, I chose my stepkids, I don't have any regrets, but it really seems like I keep getting stuck with all the hardest and most awkward jobs. I thought that's what parents were for...there's no parent in steppar...oh...right...I guess there is.