Monday, January 25, 2010


A stunning moment of power and brilliance tonight, I need to find my truth. I have been drowning in the weakness of lies and it is literally killing me. I'm sick all the time. Exhausted, angry, bitter. I have turned my back on the one thing that is guaranteed to bring me the joy, confidence and brilliance that I am capable of radiating. I am not this person. I have been blaming everyone but myself for the truth I gave up so easily. Why would I or anyone else for that matter let go of something so precious. The only true power is in truth. I found a well of strength and control within me, it sprang out of anger, but exposed something deeper, that only I was able to see. I held on to a power and a resource that has been quiet for a long time. I thought that I could only be unhappy because I could not help someone to see that self care and self love build the strongest mutual love. I thought that meant I had to live without, the sense of strength and joy that I create within myself. I do not. I will not. I choose how I feel. I choose how profoundly others are able to affect me, I CHOOSE and because of that I hold the strength and power of my joy and that cannot be taken away it can only be given away. This time, I will not let it slip so easily from my fingertips. I have to work harder than before to hold onto that truth because I am surrounded by so much negative energy, I am loved by people who do not want to provide strength to themselves, I will get through it and it will get easier for me. I will not cower because someones weakness has turned them into a hateful monster. This is MY life and I will not be bullied anymore.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

How Did I Get Here...and other ramblings...

Just a few days more than two years ago I became a step-mother to two very adoreable children. I was excited, joyful and saw a future filled with bright happy bonding moments as we all navigated the paths that would begin to define our contemporary family. I joked with my new step-daughter about being her "wicked stepmother" and all the warts I would have to grow to fill the job description. We both thought this was a funny joke. Somehow, through a series of evolutions and events I have become the Wicked Stepmother. My goal with this blog is to figure out how I lost so much of myself, to reconnect with my joy and hopefully to reverse the process that created the wicked stepmother in me.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Have an apple my pretty...

After two years of being a step parent, I am succumbing to the dark side. I think I'm losing my mind.