Monday, January 25, 2010
A stunning moment of power and brilliance tonight, I need to find my truth. I have been drowning in the weakness of lies and it is literally killing me. I'm sick all the time. Exhausted, angry, bitter. I have turned my back on the one thing that is guaranteed to bring me the joy, confidence and brilliance that I am capable of radiating. I am not this person. I have been blaming everyone but myself for the truth I gave up so easily. Why would I or anyone else for that matter let go of something so precious. The only true power is in truth. I found a well of strength and control within me, it sprang out of anger, but exposed something deeper, that only I was able to see. I held on to a power and a resource that has been quiet for a long time. I thought that I could only be unhappy because I could not help someone to see that self care and self love build the strongest mutual love. I thought that meant I had to live without, the sense of strength and joy that I create within myself. I do not. I will not. I choose how I feel. I choose how profoundly others are able to affect me, I CHOOSE and because of that I hold the strength and power of my joy and that cannot be taken away it can only be given away. This time, I will not let it slip so easily from my fingertips. I have to work harder than before to hold onto that truth because I am surrounded by so much negative energy, I am loved by people who do not want to provide strength to themselves, I will get through it and it will get easier for me. I will not cower because someones weakness has turned them into a hateful monster. This is MY life and I will not be bullied anymore.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Just a few days more than two years ago I became a step-mother to two very adoreable children. I was excited, joyful and saw a future filled with bright happy bonding moments as we all navigated the paths that would begin to define our contemporary family. I joked with my new step-daughter about being her "wicked stepmother" and all the warts I would have to grow to fill the job description. We both thought this was a funny joke. Somehow, through a series of evolutions and events I have become the Wicked Stepmother. My goal with this blog is to figure out how I lost so much of myself, to reconnect with my joy and hopefully to reverse the process that created the wicked stepmother in me.