Stuck

I started this blog so that I could write about all the things that are hard to talk about as step-parents. I wanted to be a voice of honesty about the overwhelming emotions that are tied to being someones parent, but not totally being someones parent. I wanted to say the things that I hope I'm not the only one feeling. I wanted to be bold and intrepid....mostly this blog is turning out to be more tepid than intrepid. I don't know if it is that I don't want to write those emotions, I don't know if I'm still afraid to say them. I know that I am afraid because they are constantly evolving as my relationship with my step kids evolves and I am afraid that if I write something now that later turns out to be untrue, it might be held against me. But then again just because it's not true later on down the road doesn't change the fact that it might be true today, and I guess that's what's important. I'm working on it....till then to my three little followers my mantra will be "BE BOLD, BE INTREPID".

Honesty

Most writers have probably already discovered and accepted the fact that in order to be a good writer, in order to really say what people want to read, you have to be willing to say what they are thinking. This inevitably means that you have to say what you are thinking and ultimately someone is going to get hurt. I pussy foot around a lot of writing because the things I want to say, the things that people want to read are things that nobody wants to think about or admit to themselves. Writing is the physical equivalent to standing stark naked in all of your flawed glory with a kool aid smile plastered across your face in Time Square.

Anyone who has known me for long enough has figured out that although I seem open on first meeting, I'm probably one of the most emotionally guarded people that they will ever have the pleasure of meeting. I once had a guy I was dating tell me that dating me was like trying to scale the Great Wall of China. You can feel sorry for my husband, he deserves it! Anyway, I'm moving away from my point.

Writing, at least writing well requires a level of exposition that is just a little bit terrifying. I am learning that writing fiction is not any easier because the fiction is mixed with the truth about me and the mixture of the two has the potential to be highly volatile. People are going to twist the truth and the fiction it will be hard to tell what is me and what is my imagination. I mostly worry about this with my husband. Which is why he has yet to read my almost finished novel. I'm not even sure that he will ever be allowed to read it. Then again writing is how us emotionally challenged people are able to participate in the world around us. Hiding the finished product from the world would be pointless and yet, I'm just a little bit scared. Okay maybe petrified.

New Year...Same Me

It's 10 days into a brand new year and I wish that I could tell you I was full of vim and vigor to live differently, to be more wise and all of that other nonsense that goes with the seemingly pointless tradition of making New Years Resolutions. It's not that resolutions don't have a valuable place in this world, it's more that I find their best value is in breaking whatever resolution I made. These days I try more for daily resolutions than yearly resolutions, it makes it feel slightly more attainable and much less depressing when I break whatever resolution I have dedicated that 24 hours to...I can always go to be knowing that tomorrow I will wake up and I can just make the same resolution all over again. It's much less time consuming than having to wait a whole nother year to make another resolution that I am likely to break within the first week of the New Year.

So anyway, here I am, not doing what I should be doing, and doing what I know I shouldn't...essentially wasting time playing horrible facebook time killing games. It seems that the beginning of a new year should put some sort o f time urgent need to be diligently accomplishing the important things in life...but that just sends us back to the discussion about New Years Resolutions. And now that I am back where I started I find it necessary to stop and get back to the writing that I wake up every day promising myself I will do for myself because I love to do it, but for whatever reason keep putting off...delving into the why of that is another blog topic for another day. Happy New Year...I think...