The Wicked Queen Reigns

Sometimes you ask for something and even though you know that you won't like the answer or the outcome you ask for it anyway.  My step-tween daughter and I are going through what I am starting to call the impish elven elevens, but thankfully they are almost over. My aunt says that if the two of us can make it to her twelfth birthday that things will work out alright...That's less than a month away so I am crossing my fingers that we both still have a full head of hair and I don't have TOO many more wrinkles.

One of the biggest challenges that we are dealing with right now is following directions and staying on task.  As parents my husband and I have tried to find ways to provide her with structure while still allowing her to be a kid, but it's really hard.  She pretty much has a 100% track record of taking  three miles of liberty when she's given two inches.  It's really really really frustrating.

We have created a list of specific consequences for specific actions so that there isn't any confusion about what will happen when she isn't doing what she is supposed to be doing.  Lately it feels like she is living in a constant state of consequences and I finally understand why my parents said it really hurt them to have to give us kids consequences and punishments.  It SUCKS!  It makes me sad and angry and frustrated because it's not just about being exhausted from trying to teach her I feel like I never get to have fun with her.  If I let my guard down for just a minute she's five miles down the road and I'm coughing up her dust.

Anyway, I've gotten off track.  One of our consequences is to have her write sentences or even a reflective essay of  usually just a page or two.  Last night we/I had to dole out yet another consequence and since sentences and essays were boring me and seemingly ineffectual I took a risk that I actually knew I would regret but I did it anyway.  I told her to write me a story, the only thing that I required of the story was that it be about a girl who didn't like to follow directions.  I told her it could be funny or sad or whatever she wanted other than the one thing that I asked of her.

I did this knowing that I was risking being painted as a real "Wicked Stepmother" and that I needed to steel myself to whatever she came up with, it was after all my idea.  She did not disappoint the story that came back had her dad as the loving father who calls her princess and dotes on her morning noon and night.  I on the other hand came back as the heavy handed and mean step-mom who was always punishing the girl.  She might as well have been princess Cinderella and I may as well have been an unfeeling evil queen.  Like I said I expected it, but I didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did.  It's hard not to take it all personally to wonder why she doesn't remember the way that I try to tell her I love her even when I'm having to set her straight.  I know that I can't think of it that way, but my heart feels differently.  It hurts and there's really no way around that.

Being a full time step parent sucks sometimes.  I miss the days when I was vacation step-mom.  We got to do all of the fun stuff together before the real life kicked in.  I try to tell myself to see the bigger picture, but it still doesn't make my heart hurt any less.

I don't regret giving her the opportunity to write the story or really even what she presented to me, in some way I think it was good for her all kids need to vent their frustrations and a step parent can be an easy scape goat, especially when the step parent is a stay at home parent and the one enforcing most of the punishments. 

I know that no matter what I can't let her see that she hurt my feelings.  I have to let her have this and I have to move on, but you guys....I really hate being a Wicked Step-Mother sometimes, it looks like my heart is the one going in the box today.

In need of a fairy godmother~

M.

Brilliance before bed...okay mediocrity before bed

My blog is losing pace and going all over the place. This probably isn't really a bad thing since I have oh all of three readers out there in blog land. But you three...you're my favorite, oh yes you three you three rock! Anyway, back to my point. So first I'm told that all your best ideas and creativity happen before you go to sleep. I'm getting ready to go to sleep and I am still looking for the direction that I wanted to take this blog. But I think maybe right now it's just a matter of organizing thoughts and putting things in perspective...so this blog may end up being longer and more mediocre than I had originally intended it to be...I suppose with only three readers, most of this writing is just for me anyway...which again is probably just as well. I have a dream though. I dream that there will come a day when I am read by many and most of the many enjoy what they read. Hopefully, this reading will be on more than my blog..but I'll take what I can get.

I started this blog to write specifically about the challenges of being a stepmother, I had hoped to share some intimate thoughts as well as funny stories. Ultimately, that process has been stymied by the fact that the path through step parenting has been so intimate that I have not been willing to open myself up even to you my three wonderful readers. I am getting there though and I imagine there will be plenty of interesting reflections on step parenting past present and future issues. My point about the initial focus of my blog and my current lack of focus on said topic is that it's starting to occur to me that this journey into being a step parent isn't just about the step parenting, it's so much more about maintaining and cultivating all of the things that are me while incorporating the new identity of step mother into myself. It's a freaking big job. I think that I wasn't writing a lot because I didn't want to share some of the more intimate feelings I have been having about step parenting, and now I realize that it's just as important to write about all of the other stuff that I am doing to maintain my identity while I walk down this path. So with that said I think that it's not just okay but it's necessary and worthwhile to write about all of the other adventures that I am taking on while I take this journey.

I have spent the last few days not really working on my second novel but kind of cyber stalking in a not scary way, the authors that have had an impact on my writing and have stocked my book shelves. I have learned some good things and have been given hope that there really can be a future for a newbie author. I try not to get to hung up on the fact that I didn't start seriously contemplating writing as a profession until now, but really spending too much time dwelling on that won't lead anywhere good, so let's just forget I even brought it up here.

My point about all that I have been "researching" aka "cyberstalking" is that it has been an enlightening experience and given me a lot of good ideas about organizing my writing and setting some real goals for myself. Writing is hard work when you are trying to say more than a few snarky comments in a blog post. I have all but given up editing my first novel, i can't even get my mom and sister to finish reading the darn thing, so that pretty much tells me all I need to know about how much it sucks. I came to the conclusion today though, that I am okay with that. I think that for a first novel it has thus far served its purpose. First and foremost it has shown me that I am absolutely capable of writing a full length novel and that above all else has helped me to feel empowered in my writing. I think that putting it down and letting it stew or collect dust is just kind of where it's at in its own evolution. I have so many other projects in my head that I am excited about that it seems almost wasteful to put that effort elsewhere. My husband pointed out to my today that there have been many successful projects that were taken down and dusted off after their creator had had time to let the ideas settle and reinvent themselves. So I am deciding to stop thinking about my first novel in terms of it needing to be finished in the sense that it needs to be polished and edited. Obviously I still need practice with such things, but really for now I think that my energies are better placed elsewhere.

I began reading and following Amanda Hocking who is a USA Today bestselling author who has never traditionally published a novel. All of her books have been self published through CreateSpace. This gave me hope because I was pretty skeptical about the potential that an author could have by going through CreateSpace. I'm not by any means unaware of how unique her situation is, but I also know that she has broken a publishing barrier for many newbie authors. In the end as far as writing goes, I want to be read and loved like all writers, but mostly I just want to do it, I just want to write, I want to finish projects and I want to become proficient in the writing and editing process. So I guess no matter where the writing adventure leads me in the end I may not be paid by doggonit I'm gonna be personally successful.